For Mothers of Muslim Children

A site to share, learn and apply the Islamic Way of child upbringing

Thursday, May 31, 2007

The upbringing of Muslim children

The upbringing of Muslim children
Published: Friday, 25 May, 2007, 12:49 PM Doha Time
Choosing the right spouse
Religion is the most important criterion in choosing the right spouse. Abu Hurairah, radiallahu ‘anhu, narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So marry the religious woman if you do not want to be a loser.” [Bukhari and Muslim.] Choosing a spouse who is observing the correct Islamic behaviour in life will establish the Muslim home on sound Islamic principles from the first day and will prevent children from learning bad habits from their parents.
Mental and physical sanity is another criterion. The spouse should not have a grave physical sickness with a high risk of being inherited by the children, or be mentally sick and unable to raise children.
The family status of the spouse is also a criterion in choosing the best spouse. Spouses coming from families that are strongly committed to Islam have a better chance of succeeding in raising good Muslim children.
Observing the rights of the unborn child
A child who is still in the womb has legitimate rights, among which are that:
*The father must support the pregnant mother until she delivers even if the two spouses are separated. Allah said: “And if they are pregnant, then spend on them until they deliver.” (Qur’an 65:6)
*The pregnant mother may break her Ramadan fast if she is afraid for her well-being or the well-being of her child.
*A child in the womb has the right to inheritance. All scholars agree that the inheritance should not be divided until the child is born and that he should get his share.
Making Athan and Iqamah in the ear of the newborn baby. Abu Rafi, radiallahu ‘anhu, reported that he saw the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, making athan in Hasan’s ear when Fatima gave birth to him. (Related by Abu Dawud and At-Tirmithi who said it is an authentic hadith). This is to make the words that glorify Allah the first ones to reach a child’s ear and affect his heart.
The second wisdom is to prevent the Shaitan from getting close to the unborn child. Abu Hurairrah, radiallahu ‘anhu, narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “When the athan is pronounced, Shaitan runs back and breaks wind during his flight in order not to hear the call being made. When the athan is completed, he comes back. When Iqama is pronounced, he turns his back and after its completion, he returns again and whispers into the heart of the person (to divert his attention from his prayer) and makes him remember things which he does not recall to his mind before the prayer and this causes him to forget how much he has prayed.” [Bukhari and Muslim.]
Tahneek is to chew a piece of date and then to rub it inside the newborn’s mouth. Aisha, radiallahu ‘anha, said: “Babies were brought to Allah’s Messenger, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam. He blessed them, and after having chewed some dates, he rubbed therewith their soft palates.” [Muslim]
Shaving the head of the baby is a Sunnah. Samurah Ibn Jundub related the Messenger of Allah as saying “A newborn is in pledge for his aqiqah. Sacrifice is made for him on the seventh day, his head is shaved and he is given a name.” (Abu Dawud, At-Tirmithi, An-Nasa’i, Ibn Majah, Ad-Darami and Ahmad).
Choosing a good name for the child is one of the baby’s rights upon his parents. Ibn Umar, radiallahu ‘anhu, said: Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “The most beloved names for Allah are Abdullah and Abdur-Rahman” [Muslim]. Bad names should be changed to good names. Ibn-Umar reported that Umar had a daughter who was called ‘Asiya (Disobedient). Allah’s Messenger gave her the name of Jamila (good and handsome). [Related by Muslim.] Parents should be careful not to give their children names that will make them a mockery with their friends and will prevent them from playing in a group.
Making aqeeqah to the baby: Salman ibn Amir narrated that he heard Allah’s Messenger saying: “Aqiqah is to be offered for the newborn child, so slaughter for him and relieve him of his suffering.” [Bukhari.] The Sunnah is to slaughter one sheep for the baby girl and two sheep for the baby boy.
Imam Ahmad was asked about a father who did not have money to offer the aqiqah for his newborn child: Should he borrow money? He answered: Yes because it is a revival of a Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam. He was also asked whether it is better, instead of slaughtering a sheep, to offer its price to the poor. He answered: No.
Among the benefits of the aqiqah is that it lets the child intercede for his parents on the Day of Judgment, it strengthens the social bonds between Muslims, it is a help for the poor and a revival of the Sunnah of the Prophet.
Making circumcision is one of the acts of fitrah. Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “The actions of the fitrah are five: circumcision, shaving the pubic hair, trimming the moustache, clipping the nails and plucking the armpit hairs.” [Bukhari.]
Confirming the descent of the child: Abu Hurairah, radiallahu ‘anhu, reported he heard the Messenger of Allah saying: “Any women who brings to her family one who does not belong to it has nothing to do with Allah (ie expects no mercy from Allah), and Allah the exalted will veil Himself from any man who disowns his child when he looks at him, Allah will disgrace him in the presence of all creatures first and last.” [Abu Dawud, Annasai, Ibn Majah, Ibn Hibban and Al-Hakim.]
Allah has ordered us to confirm the line of descent of the child. Allah said: “And call them by the name of their fathers, that is more just in the sight of Allah. But if you know not their father’s names, they are your brothers in faith and your friends.” (Qur’an 33:5)

It is best that the mother nurses her child as her milk is the most beneficent nutrient for him and she is more merciful to him than any other woman. Allah said: “The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years, that is for those who desire to complete the term of suckling.” (Qur’an 2:233)
Modern research proved that the mother’s milk strengthens the child’s immune system at a time when the child is most vulnerable.
Ibn ‘Umar, radiallahu ‘anhu, reported that a group of merchants arrived to Madinah and settled in the mosque. So Umar told Abdurrahman ibn Awf, radiallahu ‘anhu, “Let’s guard them tonight from thieves.” So they spent the night watching and praying as much as Allah had destined to them. Umar heard the weeping of a child so he went towards him and told his mother: “Fear Allah and be good to your child” and he went back to his place. He heard the child crying again and told his mother the same thing and went back to his place. By the end of the night he heard him crying again so he told his mother: “You are a bad mother, your child did not sleep all night.” So she said: “I am trying to wean him but he refuses.” He said: “Why are you doing that?” She said: “Because Umar does not prescribe child support except for children who are already weaned.” He said: “How old is he?” She said: “Such and such.” He said: “No! Do not hurry him.”
Umar prayed Fajr and was weeping during the prayer to the extent that his recitation was barely understandable. After he made tasleem he said: “Misery is for Umar. He has killed Muslim children.” He then asked someone to make the call that people should not rush their children to weaning, child support is prescribed to every child. And he sent letters to that effect to all the Muslim land.” (The History of Umar ibn al-Khattab by ibn Aljawzy, pages 74-75.)
Spending for all the needs of the child
Thawban reported Allah’s Messenger, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, as saying: “The most excellent Dinar is one that a person spends on his family, and the Dinar which he spends on his animal in Allah’s path, and the Dinar which he spends on his companions in Allah’s path.” [Muslim.]
One should be kind and merciful to his children

Abu Hurairah reported that Al-Aqra’ bin Habis saw Allah’s Messenger, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, kissing Hasan. He said: “I have 10 children but I have never kissed anyone of them,” whereupon Allah’s Messenger, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, said: “He who does not show mercy, no mercy will be shown to him.” [Muslim, Kitab al-Fadail.]
Abdullah ibn abi Qatadah narrated: “My father said: The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said: “When I stand for prayers, I intend to prolong it but on hearing the cries of a child, I cut it short as I dislike to trouble the child’s mother.” [Bukhari]
Aisha, radiallahu ‘anha, narrated: “A lady along with her two daughters came to me asking for some alms, but she found nothing with me except one date which I gave her. She divided it between her to daughters, and did not eat anything herself, and then got up and went away. Then the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam came in and I informed him about this story. He said: “Whoever is put to trial by these daughters and he treats them generously (with benevolence) then these daughters will act as a shield for him from Hellfire.” [Related by Bukhari in the Book of Zakat.]
Playing with them and making them happy
For a child, playing is an important part of his daily schedule. It is by playing that he learns and develops affectively, intellectually and physically. Anas, radiallahu ‘anhu, reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, was playing with Zaynab bint Umm Salamah and telling her: “O Zuwaynib O Zuwaynib ... several times” [Related in Sahih al-Jami’.]
Being just with them
One has to be fair in his interest in them, enthusiasm for them, cheerfulness to them, no difference being made between a boy and a girl. ‘Amir narrated: I heard An-Numan ibn Bashir, radiallahu ‘anhu, on the pulpit saying: “My father gave me a gift but ‘Amra bint Rawaha (my mother) said she would not agree to it unless he made Allah’s Messenger sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam as a witness to it. So my father went to Allah’s Messenger ssallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam and said: “I have given a gift to my son from Amra bint Rawaha, but she ordered me to make you as a witness to it, O Allah’s Messenger!’ Allah’s Messenger asked: ‘Have you given the like of it to every one of your sons?’ He replied in the negative. Allah’s Messenger said: ‘Fear Allah and be just to your children.’ My father then returned and took back his gift.” [Related by al-Bukhari in the Book of gifts.[
Parents are ordered to be just to their children so that the child feels secure at home. A child may not learn the meaning of justice if he is continuously oppressed at home.
Teaching them Islam
Jundub ibn Abdullah said: “We were with the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, we were boys and we learned Iman before learning Qur’an. We then learned Qur’an and it increased our Iman.” [Hadith with sahih isnad narrated by Ibn Majah.] This Hadith shows that the parents should first teach their children the pillars of faith, what it means to believe in Allah and in His oneness. When the child becomes able to understand, he should be taught how to make wudhu’ and Salat.
Sabura, radiallahu ‘anhu, narrated that the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said: “Teach the child Salat when he reaches seven and spank him for it when he reaches 10.” [Related by Tirmithi who said it is a Hasan Sahih Hadith.] Hence, the parents have three years to get their child in the habit of offering regular prayers. By the age of 10, the parents should be more strict in their orders concerning the prayer. When the child reaches puberty, Salat becomes obligatory on him. The above hadith has singled out Salat because of its high position in Islam but the principle applies to all other acts of worship.
Teaching them good manners
Such as not to lie, steal or cheat. It is imperative in this respect that the parents themselves observe these manners. Children should also be taught to ask for permission to enter their parents’ bedroom during three periods of the day. Allah said: “O you who believe, let your legal slaves and those among you who have not reached the age of puberty ask your permission before they come to your presence on three occasions: before fajr prayer, and while you put off your clothes for the noonday rest, and after the ‘isha prayer. These three times are of privacy for you. Outside those times, it is not wrong for you or for them to move about attending to each other. Thus Allah makes clear the verses of this Qur’an to you. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. But when the children among you come to puberty, then let them also ask for permission, as those senior to them. Thus Allah makes clear His commandments for you. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise.” (Qur’an 24:58-59)
Choosing the right friends for them.
Abu Musa narrated that the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said: “The example of a good companion and a bad one is that of a person carrying musk and another blowing a pair of bellows. The one who is carrying musk will either give you some perfume as a present, or you will buy some from him, or you will get a good smell from him; but the one who is blowing a pair of bellows will either burn your clothes or you will get a bad smell from him.” [Bukhari and Muslim.]
Because children learn mostly from other children, it is important that we choose good friends for our children. Good friends reinforce the good manners and habits while bad friends reinforce the bad manners and habits.
Our children are a trust given to us by Allah. They are born with a natural predisposition to accept the teachings of Islam. Depending on the upbringing we give them, we may make them good Muslims or we may make them non-Muslims. That is how great our responsibiltiy is. This responsibility has to be borne by both the father and the mother. On the other hand, the reward they would get for upbringing a good Muslim is also great. When a child asks forgiveness for his parents from Allah, their position in paradise is raised. We pray to Allah to be from those who are saved on the Day of Judgment and not from the losers. Allah said: “Say: ‘The losers are those who will lose themsleves and their families on the Day of Resurrection. Verily, that will be a manifest loss!’” (Qur’an 39:15)


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